What Grace Feels Like

raging riverThe last few months I have been less consistent in blogging than at any time since I started this blog 3 1/2 years ago.

There is a reason–I have been busier than ever before.

It seems all I do is work and sleep and go to church on Sunday.

It has also been one of the most stressful times in my life. I have more on the line in more ways than at any time in my life while having seemingly less time to consider, manage and attempt to control those things.

I’m a detail-oriented, preparation freak. So lately I’ve felt like I’ve been behind the wheel of a very fast car with my hands on the steering wheel, but they are not steering, just holding on.

I’ve also had more disruptions, nuisances and opposition in the things I’ve tried to do, which is driving me nuts because I strive on being productive.

At the same time, I feel right in the center of the Lord’s will and, somehow, things are getting done. I’m seeing major changes  in my life, not because I’m driving them but because I’m being swept along by a strong river. I’m treading and keeping my head above water, but I’m not determining the speed or direction of the river.

I’m convinced I’ve been experiencing God’s grace. I’ve never felt it like this. It’s not the anesthetizing peace-in-the-midst of trying circumstances kind-of-grace I’ve felt in the past. This is more raw and real.

When the Apostle Paul was describing the circumstances in his life through which he experienced God’s sufficient grace, he used words like “torment,” weaknesses,” “insults,” persecutions,” and “difficulties.” 2 Cor. 12:7-10. The torment Paul experienced didn’t go away, even after Paul prayed repeatedly, yet God’s grace was present while Paul was feeling tormented. In other words, God’s grace directed the outcome but did not change Paul’s feelings.

So, maybe God’s grace sometimes doesn’t feel like anything. Maybe its presence is proven more in the fruit than the feeling. GS