We’ve discussed the Biblical perspective regarding horrible bosses, what not to do in dealing with the horrible boss, and the proper mindset in preparing to deal with the horrible boss. Now it’s time to discuss how to respond to the horrible boss.
Pray (and forgive)
Prayer is the first action point for a Kingdom response to a horrible boss. See Matt. 5:44-45 (“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you . . .”). It’s the most important thing you can do, and it’s one that gives you a tremendous advantage over non-Christians dealing with the horrible boss. Praying for your boss helps you set the Kingdom perspective for responding to your boss and access the wisdom necessary to solve the problem.
Praying also helps you address any unforgiveness or bitterness hanging around in your heart as a result of how you have been treated by your horrible boss. Getting rid of unforgiveness and bitterness is essential to laying the proper foundation for responding to a horrible boss because it keeps you from having to dodge emotions that will almost certainly cloud your ability to hear God in the second sort of prayer necessary for dealing with the horrible boss.
Praying also helps you engage the power to work inspired by and empowered by the Holy Spirit to solve the problem of the horrible boss. When King David was being pursued by his horrible boss, Saul, who was trying to kill him, David prayed. In respnse, the Lord guided David by telling him what Saul’s next move would be so David would know what to do. See I Samuel 23:9-12. It’s a great example for us. The Bible says Christians have the “mind of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 2:16. This doesn’t mean we are omniscient, but it does mean we have access to Him who is and Who can tailor a bespoke solution for our horrible boss problem.
Examine yourself
Christians should be more objective about themselves and more willing and able to change than non-Christians. Nobody likes criticism, but one of the best sources of criticism is your boss because she has a vested interest in your success. You may not like her method or manner but her motive should be the last thing you question. Remember: your job is one of the tools God uses to make you more like Jesus.
Examining oneself also promotes the Kingdom workplace principle of doing one’s work excellently. Just like no one knows a young person better than their parents, no one knows an employee’s work product better than one’s boss. As one who led my own law firm for years and then a practice group in a very large law firm, I can tell you I quickly learned the strengths and weaknesses of the attorneys and support staff I managed. Even horrible bosses do as much; it is not hard.
Where horrible bosses fail is in their ability to communicate, in an acceptable manner, what they see in our performance. As Kingdom citizens striving for the competence to gain the praise of our Master (Matthew 25:21-23), we should be the last people to reject the message of the horrible boss because of the manner in which it is delivered.
There is usually much to be learned from a horrible boss if we can see past the horribleness of their management skills or personality. As those God calls to perform work excellently, we should not want to miss such an opportunity.
Respond in the opposite spirit
The natural human reaction to a critical or abusive boss is to react in the same spirit or not at all.
If you respond in the same spirit you risk appearing insubordinate; if you don’t respond at all you risk appearing indifferent. The best way to respond is in the opposite spirit. The Bible says, “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Proverbs 15:1. Jesus taught the same principle in the Sermon on the Mount. See Matt. 5: 38-45. This does two things.
First, it breaks the feedback failure loop. The feedback failure loop happens when your boss criticizes you or your performance in an abrasive or offensive manner. You react to the manner of the communication rather than the content, which communicates to your boss that you don’t see the performance problem, thereby inciting more criticism. It becomes a loop, a vicious cycle. It is broken by a soft answer.
Second, responding in the opposite spirit establishes common ground with your boss. If your boss is critical, and you respond receptively, it diffuses the situation and says to your boss: I recognize you may see something in my performance I can’t or don’t see. You have established common ground and a path forward. Responding in the opposite spirit is a form of spiritual jujitsu that turns your horrible boss’s energy directed toward into your service just as a sailboat can sail into the wind by tacking.
As Kingdom citizens, we can be receptive if we are truly doing our work for the Lord, not for men . . .” Colossians 3:23. Understanding for Whom we ultimately work enables us to respond in the proper spirit, which makes surviving, and even thriving, with the horrible boss possible.
Adopt this attitude: to make your boss successful
This, like the previous response, is counter-intuitive, but it doesn’t mean you are enabling or proping up a bad boss.
Adopting this attitude helps in two ways. First, it forces you to deal with emotions up front that might keep you from doing your best work. Your natural instinct is to want to see your horrible boss fail. If that is your desire it will affect the way you respond to him even if you are not aware of it. You might respond a little slower to his emails and phone calls, or maybe push the deadlines he gives you, both of which can be subtle forms of rebellion.
The Lord requires us to do our work “wholeheartedly,” (Col. 3:23) which means being fully engaged in our mind, will, and emotions. Adopting the attitude of making your boss successfully aligns all of who we are toward doing our jobs well. The best way to ensure you can do your job wholeheartedly is to purpose to make your boss successful. Don’t worry about who gets the credit. You are working for the Lord, and He is the one who will reward you. See Col. 3:23-24.
Second, adopting this attitude has a very good chance of changing your boss’s attitude toward you. If you adopt this attitude, your boss will likely pick up on it eventually, which can help turn your horrible boss into your most ardent advocate.
Next up: the reward for responding successfully to the horrible boss. GS
